Table of Contents
Spis Treści
wersja polska
Foreword: Why the Brits?
Albion, you were once a beautiful promise. In your shadow, ideas took root that actually meant something: parliament, conscience, irony, freedom of speech, and a brave drift towards compromise.
Chapter I. The Watch and the Pamphlet
The British are a nation that can steal your watch and hand you a brochure on punctuality.
The Empire of Albion isn’t just the geography of its colonies – it’s a global system of appropriation.
Chapter II. The Holy Shit of Colonialism
Some images stay with you forever, like two Englishmen reverently bending over a warthog’s droppings.
Chapter III. The Empire of Theft and the Guide to Repression
At the British Museum you see: an Egyptian mummy, Greek marble, an African throne, an Aztec mask. What do they have in common?
Chapter IV. Mythology and the Symposium of Imperial Truth
Not Prometheus, not some African homo erectus, but Sir Winston Churchill who invented fire.
Colonialism – a civilizational gift, which primitive peoples received with inexplicable reluctance.
Chapter V. Knights of the Apocalypse of British Pride
The Queen has no power, the Prime Minister has no ideas, the cuisine has no taste, and the weather has no mercy.
But everything is „very interesting,” because it’s said with an accent.
Chapter VI. Mau Mau – Imperial Gentlemen
Mobile gallows, so you could hang the “guilty” in front of their entire village.
This story doesn’t fit into self-deprecating jokes or the portrait of Albion as the world’s elegant teacher.
Chapter VII. Epilogue of Empire
From the textbook “The History of Global Myths”, Archival Human Heritage Press, orbital station Iuvenis II, year 2345. Translated from simultaneous language into English – an emotional reconstruction.
Gabryjel – Final Address before the Galactic Council:
„Albion Versus the Rest of the Universe”
A witness of history and former teapot user, giving testimony against the empire
that made tea a religion, hypocrisy an ethos, and its own defeat an exportable cultural product.