Chapter III.

The Empire of Theft

1. The British Museum: Europe’s Largest Pawn Shop
You enter the British Museum and see: an Egyptian mummy, a Greek marble, an African throne, an Aztec mask. What do they have in common? Not that they’re British, but that they never should’ve ended up here.

The English didn’t invent morality, they invented the display case. The Parthenon Marbles (“Elgin Marbles”), Benin bronzes, mummies from the Valley of the Kings, Buddhist statues from India, all “rescued” by the Empire, meaning: carried out of the colonies. Africa and Asia here look like an eBay auction: “Excellent condition, lightly used by Albion.”

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2. DNA? More Like ‘Did Not Acknowledge’
Rosalind Franklin took the picture of DNA, Watson and Crick took the Nobel.
Her name showed up only after the fact. Their egos are still alive and well.

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3. Mary Anning: The Phantom of Paleontology
She discovered dinosaurs and coprolites, but as a woman from Dorset she was just a “curiosity.”
Professors published her finds under their own names. She got bones, but no copyright.

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4. Enigma: Turing, Tea, and the Forgotten Poles
Three Poles (Rejewski, Różycki, Zygalski) broke Enigma and handed everything to the British. Turing made a legend out of it, he got a film, a monument, a medal. The Poles? A receipt from Pyrek’s bar.

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5. ‘Invented by Albion’: Copying, but Classy
The lightbulb? Joseph Swan beat Edison. Television? Baird invented it, others developed it. Computers? Without Zuse, they’d still be twisting wires like a phonograph. But history is written by those with the spotlights.

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6. Empire Mentality
Colonialism didn’t disappear, it just put on tweed and hired a PR agency. The English, in their textbooks, always “civilize” and “rescue”, never loot.

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BBC – Albion’s Denial Guide

London, 2025 – British experts from the University of Self-Accreditation warn:
“Rising wave of revisionism, other nations are claiming our discoveries!”
“It all started with the Poles and Enigma,” says Prof. Bumbleton-Worthington,
“Today, the Germans even claim Leibniz was ahead of Newton. Next thing you know, someone will say the Beatles didn’t invent music!”

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Chapter I: Newton – The Victim of Global Theft

Sir Isaac Newton, child of the Big Bang of British science, invented everything from gravity to apples.
But according to ‘historians’, some guy named Leibniz invented calculus first.
–“Typical German trick, steal the towel and claim you invented integrals,” – Bumbleton concludes.

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Chapter II: Enigma. Brits Broke It Before They’d Even Seen It

The BBC claims Turing cracked Enigma at breakfast, as a child. Rumors about three Poles with machines are “Central European historical fantasy, like dragons in Krakow or bread without beans.”

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Chapter III: The Culture of Attributive Footnotes

If the trend continues:
– Egyptians will admit to inventing mathematics, Greeks to geometry, and India to zero before British railways.
“A dangerous revision,” the expert warns. “In ten years, people might say we didn’t even invent tea!”

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Summary:
Everything important was invented by the English. If they didn’t invent it, they improved it.
If they improved it, they were first. And if you think otherwise, you’re from the Continent.

P.S.
Next BBC headline: “How Churchill Invented the Internet While Sitting on the Toilet in the Bunker.”